ON LOVE FANTASY OF THE LOWEST KIND – It happened only once, before I was 50 and can never be repeated again, when I indulged in an unspeakable pleasure for two years, carnal pleasure, pure sensual pleasure, not only in luxury hotels, sometimes in cheap hourly rooms or in even darker corners, too. It happened not only at night, even more often on springtime mornings. Whenever my body felt tormented by desires, I would squander away what treasures people were eager to have just to indulge myself for one moment, making sure the shades of the curtains and the bed sheets, the brightness of the lamps and the ambiance were just right. I indulged in living and couldn’t care less about what life was for. Of course, what I did violated the codes of conduct of my countrymen and would be condemned if known. Even though it began with love, our love had no future.
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